Childhood Milestone Gifts

'Now that you're 10, we can tell you the truth: beauty isn't actually in the eye of the beholder, there are international standards... and you haven't met them.'

'What is it? It's your first PIN number!'

"I won't enumerate my trespasses. You know my work."

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

"Look darling, she's forgot her first password."

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

Haircuts

Sparkler

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

'You don't either have a date with Dora the Explorer!'

They were American tourists, visiting gay Paree...and yet this was a Mexican stand off??

'Don't you think he's a little to young to take up fishing, Ralph?'

'Don't worry about it - It's perfectly all right for boys to eat Girl Scout cookies.'

Girl asking her little cousin what he would like for his birthday

"They're secret service. They appeared the day Billy decided he wanted to be president when he grew up."

"Do that again, but cuter."

"We brought Charlotte one of those special video messages from Nigel Farage."

"Dear Grandma, thank you so much for my birthday gift! My very first fountain pen!"

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

The Teen Years of A Red Delicious.

Grand. Baby Grand. Toddler Grand. Teen Grand.

'At lone at last.'

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

'Baby's first two-step.'

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

One!

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

"Before you go anywhere, did you lick behind your ears?"

Ogden Nash: 'Middle age is when you've met so many people, that every new person reminds you of someone else.'