Toddler Milestone Gifts

"Honey, your head's through the armhole again."

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

'At lone at last.'

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

'Baby's first two-step.'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

First Steps

"No, it's still just a thirst for spaghettios."

Eagle parenting.

'He's my personal potty trainer.'

"Charles, look! He’s sending his first text!"

Dominant hand reveal party

Sparkler

'I think you're ready for the big chair...'

'We think he has a future in politics.'

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

'What do you think you're up to?'

"I'm too old for baby limas."

"They're secret service. They appeared the day Billy decided he wanted to be president when he grew up."

'The baby cut a tooth today.'

They were American tourists, visiting gay Paree...and yet this was a Mexican stand off??

'How old? He's 14 months, 3 days, 7 hours and 16 seconds... 17... 18...'

'I bronzed his first pair of running shoes.'

Haircuts

'Look, he's taking his first steps.'