Child's First Milestone Gifts

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'At lone at last.'

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

'Baby's first two-step.'

'She posted her first blog today.'

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

A family trying to make a child smile for a photo

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

'I think you're ready for the big chair...'

"Charles, look! He’s sending his first text!"

Eagle parenting.

Sparkler

'We think he has a future in politics.'

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'He's already surfing without nappies!'

'Oh look Julia, he's just text me his first word.'

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

"I'm too old for baby limas."

'How old? He's 14 months, 3 days, 7 hours and 16 seconds... 17... 18...'

'I bronzed his first pair of running shoes.'

They were American tourists, visiting gay Paree...and yet this was a Mexican stand off??

'He's about to destroy his first city and you're in a meeting?'

"They're secret service. They appeared the day Billy decided he wanted to be president when he grew up."

'The baby cut a tooth today.'

'What do you think you're up to?'

"Honey, your head's through the armhole again."