Baby-proofers Gifts

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

A young Don King

Interior design trends for parents....

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

'No creamed peas for me today!'

'They made it like that so the kids wouldn't bother you.'

'Eddy! Can you check that recall list on the toy website again to see if this swing is included?'

STRIP *Community Care * Squeezing it all in before lunch

"Eeny, meeny, miney, mo.."

Mothercare - " I'm going to shop till I drop."

A (P)ram.

Beware of teething baby.

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"You got custody of us, mommy, because you're the very best attorney picker."

"We can't wake her, she's sleepwalking."

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

She Had Enough To Drink.

I'm looking for a useful gift for a newborn. Nature's Baby Boutique. We have a large selection of essentials. Here are the 100% organic, fair trade, hand-dyed pashimina diaper covers. Wow! Nothing says "essential" like popped-on pashimina. A little dry-cleaning and it's good as new.

Please examine your children's tv before they watch it as mistakes can not afterwards be rectified

'Well those stair gates were a complete waste of money'

Parents compare buggies

Be sure to tell us if the school tries cyberspying again. Ok, mom. It's wrong to snap webcam pics of students. Uh-huh. They shouldn't use computers that way! Besides, it's a waste of time. They could just check the kid's facebook page, What were they thinking?

"Where can I get one of those?"

Rocket priced prams.

Dummy Sucking Area

"I dunno. It just doesn't "feel" like a diaper."

Child Abuse Report

'It's amazing what they let that kid get away with.'

'Yes, I realize that a salt with a deadly weapon is frightening, but I only keep it to protect my family - and I always keep the safety on.

Teddy Tree is trying out for lacrosse. LOL! No way! That spazoid nerd? Hey! No one disses my little brother! Ok. Ok! Sorry! That's my job.

'Papi, kids at school are saying Nora and I are illegal...'

"This is the boy I was telling you about, Daddy...meet Raymond!"