Childproofing Experts Gifts

'It's amazing what they let that kid get away with.'

A young Don King

Interior design trends for parents....

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

STRIP *Community Care * Squeezing it all in before lunch

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"Trust me, with me in charge, your kid will behave and be safe..."

Beware of teething baby.

'Well those stair gates were a complete waste of money'

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

Child Abuse Report

'Ok, since I'm hopelessly lost, I'll waive the rule against talking to strangers.'

"I told you not to bump your sister so hard"

Child Protection Team: 'Someone applied for the job...'

'So it's a deal - I'll reinitialize your hard drive and you remove this child-proof cap.'

'What do you mean we can't have custody of the children?'

Protecting Innocent Babies from Falling Bombs

'Oh! Sorry, no - I've not been screened to deliver to households with children!'

Bullies confronted by legal authority reprisals.

"My plan is to figure out child-proof caps, then move right into hacking."

"In weather like this it's a comfort having a goof waterproof seal around the front door."

"The goal is to make sure all edges are softer than his head."

Irish PM lambasts Irish catholic church for continual sex abuse cover ups.

"I don't want my kid watching sick and hateful crap day by day!"

"We really should hire more maintenance staff. The kindergarten teacher just told me that most of her lose parts play has been with bolts, nails and chunks of plaster."