Childproofing A New Home Gifts

Interior design trends for parents....

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

A young Don King

"Yes, I know they fit, it's just not what I pictured for a three car garage!"

This will be an environmentally sound house built entirely from trees that fell over naturally from old age.

Another All Steel Home Built By Wit Construction.

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

"He says he wants to see the actual brick he donated."

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

"WOW...this 50.1 theatre sound system makes you feel you're actually in the movie!"

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

What can I play?

'They made it like that so the kids wouldn't bother you.'

"We're going to build in Rhinebeck, once Steven finds the right brick."

'Some action figures! - They just STAND there!'

"I'm afraid you neglected to submit the proper development permit application."

"I like to think of myself as a vital link in the homeland-security system."

How to Build a Bungalow

"'Happily ever after' you want? Then you keep the house kosher!"

Beware of teething baby.

"You see? You gotta turn it counter-clockwise."

'We're starting to build our own house. How much is this two by four?'

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

'Hello, security.'

'All the money we saved buying bulk food on sale we blew on this huge freezer!'

'Do you have anything that gets rid of unwanted salesmen?'

"My client is being more than fair. She is willing to let you keep all the shoes and the house."

Will build to suit myself.

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

'Use it as an end table or, if you want, fold it out to be a fully functional anti-aircraft gun.'

'Triple your money back! 100% effective against pesticide resistant insects! Guaranteed!

'Well those stair gates were a complete waste of money'

"Oh, for heaven's sake. Use the spray!"