Child-proofing Expert Gifts

A young Don King

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

Interior design trends for parents....

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

STRIP *Community Care * Squeezing it all in before lunch

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"Trust me, with me in charge, your kid will behave and be safe..."

Beware of teething baby.

'Well those stair gates were a complete waste of money'

'Your little one is giving the sitter a big kiss-of life.'

Women with her children of leashes passes dog walker with dogs so well trained they have no leashes.

'It's amazing what they let that kid get away with.'

Child Abuse Report

'I can't sign that behavior contract unless my attorney reviews it.'

Lollipop lady

'Now don't you go worrying about it. It's only communicable to children!'

"I told you not to bump your sister so hard"

'Ok, since I'm hopelessly lost, I'll waive the rule against talking to strangers.'

Child Protection Team: 'Someone applied for the job...'

Freddie stretches..and falls over. His mom asks, 'What you doing?' Freddie answers, 'I want to show you how much I love you, but my arms aren't long enough!'

'So it's a deal - I'll reinitialize your hard drive and you remove this child-proof cap.'

Protecting Innocent Babies from Falling Bombs

'Oh! Sorry, no - I've not been screened to deliver to households with children!'

Bullies confronted by legal authority reprisals.

"The goal is to make sure all edges are softer than his head."

Baby on Board

Irish PM lambasts Irish catholic church for continual sex abuse cover ups.

"My plan is to figure out child-proof caps, then move right into hacking."

'That's the fun thing about babies. Hard as they try, they can't tell you.'