Babyproofing Aficionado Gifts

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

A young Don King

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

Gifts for a cloned baby!

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

Uterus: One size fits all.

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

'He was getting too heavy to carry around in my pouch.'

Preparing for a new arrival

No bottle feeding.

Baby Carriers

Beware of teething baby.

Mobile.

"You have the right to remain silent, anytime you cry can be used against you...."

'I finally memorized my social security number.'

Eskimo pram

"You've really outdid yourself this time. A real masterpiece!"

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I might find the colostrum?"

I wish my baby came with suction cups so there was a place to put him while I shower.

'It's amazing what they let that kid get away with.'

"Shall we go talk with those au pairs?"

Outside, my mom makes we wear all this if there's a drop of rain. Inside, she's always bugging me to take a bath!

"Let me guess -- first child?"

'As his grandfather, I suggest you purchase the one with the side impact guards and heavy duty bumper.'

"Dude, you should wear it on the front. Chicks love that!"

'Does yours come with a trampoline?'

Baby enters Birthmark Removal from Maternity Ward.

'The quality is good but the service is sometimes slow!'

"At first I thought it was cool that my mom kept wanting me to test her phone to see if it was waterproof. Now I know it was just a way to get me to take showers."

Maternity Fashion: Zika Net

"The goal is to make sure all edges are softer than his head."