Baby-proofing Enthusiast Gifts

Beware of teething baby.

A young Don King

Interior design trends for parents....

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

A pregnant woman wears a shirt that says "Baby"with an arrow pointing down, while a mother holds a baby that is an arrow pointing up.

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

Maternity Ward

'Listen! It kicked again right here. I swear it's not appendicitis!'

'How many fingers do you see?'

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

'He was getting too heavy to carry around in my pouch.'

Preparing for a new arrival

Giving Birth

'You're up the duff with a bun in the oven.'

Maternity Hospital

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

'Well, he certainly has his Father's vocabulary.'

Mobile.

"We can make you more pregnant than you ever though possible."

New Dad.

'Mum's water have broken and she's called the doctor. I may be wrong but I'd be calling the plumber!!'

'A work in Progress.'

Bob hated baby talk.

"You're right... the babies are getting bigger."