Baby-proofing Enthusiast Pillows

Beware of teething baby.

A young Don King

Interior design trends for parents....

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

A pregnant woman wears a shirt that says "Baby"with an arrow pointing down, while a mother holds a baby that is an arrow pointing up.

Maternity Ward

'He was getting too heavy to carry around in my pouch.'

'How many fingers do you see?'

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

'Listen! It kicked again right here. I swear it's not appendicitis!'

'They made it like that so the kids wouldn't bother you.'

Preparing for a new arrival

Maternity Hospital

'You're up the duff with a bun in the oven.'

Giving Birth

'Well, he certainly has his Father's vocabulary.'

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

Mobile.

"You're right... the babies are getting bigger."

"We can make you more pregnant than you ever though possible."

'Mum's water have broken and she's called the doctor. I may be wrong but I'd be calling the plumber!!'

New Dad.

Bob hated baby talk.