Childproofing A Home Gifts

A young Don King

Interior design trends for parents....

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

'They made it like that so the kids wouldn't bother you.'

STRIP *Community Care * Squeezing it all in before lunch

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

"I like to think of myself as a vital link in the homeland-security system."

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

Beware of teething baby.

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

'Throw it out. . . we never use it, unless you can think of someone that might need it.'

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

Santa hosing the Chimney.

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

'Hello, security.'

"Let's pick up our cars now, 'kay Puddin'?"

"The Johnsons finally get around to child-proofing their home."

'I know the fire's in the kitchen, but that program just irks the hell out of me.'

'New normal' family life

"Maybe this is insignificant, what with everything going on in the world, but do we have a fire extinguisher?"

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

'Do you have anything that gets rid of unwanted salesmen?'

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

"My client is being more than fair. She is willing to let you keep all the shoes and the house."

"Did we turn off the stove?"

'Well those stair gates were a complete waste of money'

While you were out

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

'I told you he was smart. He turned a potential hazard into a plaything.'

'I lost him in the house, but don't worry, a snake that big should be easy to find.'