Home Protection Gifts

"My security system sucks."

"Can I interest you in our anti huff and puff damage policy?"

The Crime, to the Best of Tiger's Recollection

"I'm glad my agent persuaded me to get flood insurance and keep all my important documents together."

"Sorry, I'm just not interested in a home security detail."

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

No Soliciting

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

'And in local news: Someone is hiding behind the drapes.'

"I forgot to turn on the alarm." "It's all right, Peedy is there."

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

"Why can't we just have a normal home security system like the neighbours."

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

"I like to think of myself as a vital link in the homeland-security system."

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

'I can't understand how those burglars could clean out our house so quietly.'

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

"Nice job with the petunias, Skip. They're a perfect complement to the trip wires."

'Throw it out. . . we never use it, unless you can think of someone that might need it.'

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

The bulb family leaves for vacation

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

Adopt your wireless home security system today!

'Your father installed a security system.'

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

Santa hosing the Chimney.

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

'Hello, security.'

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

"I just installed a home security monitor."