Home Protector Gifts

Man selling Security Systems: 'If that's too expensive for you, perhaps I could interest you in a false sense of security.'

'A square knot's a good start, but I'd like to see an alarm system and some deadbolts installed as well,'

Selling Home Security Systems.

"You should've called me sooner!"

'Do you have anything that gets rid of unwanted salesmen?'

"Good defenses make good neighbors."

"You should have come to see me sooner."

'Hello, security.'

"Beware of owner."

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

"My client is being more than fair. She is willing to let you keep all the shoes and the house."

"I like to think of myself as a vital link in the homeland-security system."

"Oh, I see you found my ball."

"My lucky stone! I left it on the porch to protect us from intruders!"

"I set the timer for the lights, arranged for the neighbors to get the mail, and set a recording of your latest argument on a constant loop."

'Triple your money back! 100% effective against pesticide resistant insects! Guaranteed!

Beware of the Dog - Leaping Over Fence

"Don't be ridiculous. Who'd want to steal your identity?"

'Use it as an end table or, if you want, fold it out to be a fully functional anti-aircraft gun.'

Man installing a burglar alarm,

"Ultimately, I decided there was one way I could be sure about fire safety at home."

Beware of the Dog.

'Look out!! My wife is going to hit your with my new 2-iron!'

Noticing that her daughter was about to spit up, Jennifer sacrificed her blouse to save the new carpet.

Acme, Inc. For the man who has everything. It's a home security company. (Published previously on 9/21/2006.)

See? Aren't you glad I talked you into buying a smoke detector?

"Oh, for heaven's sake. Use the spray!"

Insecticides

While you were out

Many walks past "Beware of our lawyer".

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"Now they're referring to us as ecology nuts."