House Protector Gifts

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

"Now they're referring to us as ecology nuts."

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

'We had him trained to stay off the furniture, right up until we gave up.'

'...and now, Doctor, if you have satisfactorily disinfected your hands,...

'Anti-Graffito' worker about to erase hieroglyphics.

"Honey! He's breached the recliner! I repeat, the puppy has breached my La-Z-Boy!!"

"I like to think of myself as a vital link in the homeland-security system."

'Daddy says, 'Better drowned than duffers if not duffers won't drown'. Well, let's just hope social services don't hear about this.'

'Hello, security.'

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

Compassionate 'Conservation-ism'

"The Johnsons finally get around to child-proofing their home."

'Be careful, I hear he kills cats.'

Notre Dame Fire

'Before you buy the gun can I ask if you thought about taking your cat to the vets first?'

"Ralphie, no! Not on my Kindle!"

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

'Do you have anything that gets rid of unwanted salesmen?'

No toxic waste in my backyard!

"You'd like a second opinion? Okay, I think you should stay off the furniture too."

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

"At least we don't have to worry about intruders now we have a dog."

'Remember the good old days when he wasn't allowed on the furniture?'

'Jeckers, when I was a student we commonly at poultry...

'Use it as an end table or, if you want, fold it out to be a fully functional anti-aircraft gun.'

'Triple your money back! 100% effective against pesticide resistant insects! Guaranteed!

'You''ll just have to accept the fact that they're more concerned with their furniture than with you.'

"Oh, for heaven's sake. Use the spray!"

"We're not getting a dog because I don't invest in non-profit ventures."

"My pappy built this shell with his bare claws. I'll be damned if some freeloader moves in."

While you were out