Home Protection T-Shirts

"My security system sucks."

"Can I interest you in our anti huff and puff damage policy?"

"No, I don't think our insurance covers alien invasions. Why?"

The Crime, to the Best of Tiger's Recollection

"I'm glad my agent persuaded me to get flood insurance and keep all my important documents together."

'My husband has a morbid fear of asteroids.'

"Sorry, I'm just not interested in a home security detail."

Thanks to her cat-cam, Cheryl was able to keep her furniture from being shredded while she was at work.

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

No Soliciting

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

'And in local news: Someone is hiding behind the drapes.'

"Why can't we just have a normal home security system like the neighbours."

"I forgot to turn on the alarm." "It's all right, Peedy is there."

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

"I like to think of myself as a vital link in the homeland-security system."

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

'Throw it out. . . we never use it, unless you can think of someone that might need it.'

Adopt your wireless home security system today!

'I can't understand how those burglars could clean out our house so quietly.'

"Nice job with the petunias, Skip. They're a perfect complement to the trip wires."

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

No, you were supposed to check the doorbell camera before lowering the drawbridge.

The bulb family leaves for vacation

'Your father installed a security system.'

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.