Awards And Ceremonies Gifts

"...And I'd like to thank all the little people whom I stepped on in order to get to where I am..."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

Win - win

'The correct response, Tanya, is 'I do' not 'yeah, whatever'.'

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

'Cheryl, you are getting way too wrapped up in the dog.'

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

Gymnasts falling off the winners pedestal.

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

Employee of the Month

'You should have seen the one that got away!'

Folk Wedding

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

'Does my head look big in this?'

On the cusp of winning the Nobel, Bernie gets exposed by his third grade handwriting teacher.

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

'Sorry, I always cry at weddings...'

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

GLAD-YOU-ATION