Awards Gifts

Team work.

"......And finally I'd like to thank my 5 brothers, 4 sisters, 3 uncles, 2 aunts, 23 nephews and nieces and 37 cousins."

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

'Yeah, but would you want to have a beer with him.'

'Don't be too impressed -- he got it for surrendering.'

'Wait, my Lord! At least stay for the mad, bad and dangerous to know category!'

Hunter Gatherer of the Month.

'I got that one for bravery.'

'I want to thank my biological and surrogate Mother, my two Dads.. .'

Gymnasts falling off the winners pedestal.

Substitute Teacher of the Year Award.

Many certificates of achievement on the wall.

'...And here to receive a belated lifetime achievement award.'

Ms. Walsh, I'll be unavailable today...I'm spending it with my ego wall.

'...and I'd like to thank my dear old Mother for kicking me in the backside when I needed it!'

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

'I declare this envelope...open!'

Accountancy Awards - "And the winner is..."

"Thank you, everyone: now I'd like to introduce all the folks who made this possible for me!"

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

"And here is the winning board of the year."

An Inconcievable, Inexcusable, Incomprehensible Truth.

"Help keep my Oscar hopes alive."

'No, Corporal Shirley - You don't get a Purple Heart for a broken fingernail!'

"I won an award from my club! I'm the only member who doesn't owe membership dues."

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

'We'll parachute in and surprise them with their sales award.'

'And now for BEST MOVIE ERODING AMERICA'S MORAL VALUES...'

BAFTA/Oscar lack of diversity

Heath & Safety Executive employee of the month.

"It's rigged."

"Clerical error...I've been awarded an OBOE."

It is with mixed emotions that I accept my 9th lifetime achievement award … National Cat Society.

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

Norman E-Mailer