Awards Ceremony Gifts

Man tripping over a cable at a safety awards night.

'I want to thank all my obstacles for making this possible.'

Using the skill of pottery to make athletics trophy.

"This goes to our Most Aggressive Defender and, ironicall, first person ever to foul out of an awards banquet..."

The final stage of grief is acceptance. And the inevitable long and rambling acceptance speech.

Hunter Gatherer of the Month.

'Congratulations on winning Weather Forecaster of the Year, you rotten swine!'

Sock Salesman Award

"And now we come to the award for Escapologist of The Year. . ."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

Win - win

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

Gymnasts falling off the winners pedestal.

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

Employee of the Month

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

Jungle Games

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

On the cusp of winning the Nobel, Bernie gets exposed by his third grade handwriting teacher.

Oscars 2024

"Oh my goodness. My lecture on John Donne has just been awarded Most Pizzazzy Metaphysical Lecture of the Year."

May I have the envelope, please?

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'