School Award Ceremonies Gifts

'Proud parent of a cinnamon roll student.'

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

Yearbook

'Smashing party, Miss - can we have another one tomorrow?'

Win - win

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Paul goes home for the holidays

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

'Mom! Dad's eating my science fair project!'

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

King of Music.

Employee of the Month

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

For our eco-night entertainment we have Kim's "Dance Against Global Warming," Zahir's "Rap for the Eco Cure" and Twig's "Post-Carbon Poetry Slam." How about you, Jason? I'll explain metal organic vapor deposition in solar panels. Well! We'll see who's into heavy metal.

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

'Oh, Christ.'

"Does he have to do that every time he gets a little grant?"

'In a slight change to the programme, the second year jazz quartet aren't playing 'Hello Dolly'. They are however playing truant!'

Teacher of the Year: "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

Our eco-prom theme is "Jungle Paradise." Decorations will be live plants. I see where this is leading. Can you bring in trees and bushes for the night? Sure. But

Oscars

Science fair judge sees flower pot broken on floor near sign saying 'gravity'.

"That Melinda Alvarez thinks she's so smart! Well, I've been studying, and I'm gonna teach her a lesson on the test we have today!"

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

Dolphin wins the swimming competition.

Using the skill of pottery to make athletics trophy.

"I want to thank all the little people."