School Award Ceremony Gifts

'It's a discipline note form my teacher. I solved the math problems in my head and I was supposed to use a calculator.'

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

Cheers For The Hollyhock Middle School Chess Team

Yearbook

'Smashing party, Miss - can we have another one tomorrow?'

Win - win

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Paul goes home for the holidays

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

'Mom! Dad's eating my science fair project!'

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

King of Music.

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

For our eco-night entertainment we have Kim's "Dance Against Global Warming," Zahir's "Rap for the Eco Cure" and Twig's "Post-Carbon Poetry Slam." How about you, Jason? I'll explain metal organic vapor deposition in solar panels. Well! We'll see who's into heavy metal.

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

'Oh, Christ.'

"Does he have to do that every time he gets a little grant?"

'In a slight change to the programme, the second year jazz quartet aren't playing 'Hello Dolly'. They are however playing truant!'

Teacher of the Year: "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

Oscars

Our eco-prom theme is "Jungle Paradise." Decorations will be live plants. I see where this is leading. Can you bring in trees and bushes for the night? Sure. But

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

"That Melinda Alvarez thinks she's so smart! Well, I've been studying, and I'm gonna teach her a lesson on the test we have today!"

Science fair judge sees flower pot broken on floor near sign saying 'gravity'.

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

"I want to thank all the little people."

Dolphin wins the swimming competition.