School Award Ceremony Gifts

'It's a discipline note form my teacher. I solved the math problems in my head and I was supposed to use a calculator.'

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

Cheers For The Hollyhock Middle School Chess Team

Yearbook

'Smashing party, Miss - can we have another one tomorrow?'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Win - win

Paul goes home for the holidays

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

'Mom! Dad's eating my science fair project!'

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

King of Music.

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

'Oh, Christ.'

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

"Does he have to do that every time he gets a little grant?"

'In a slight change to the programme, the second year jazz quartet aren't playing 'Hello Dolly'. They are however playing truant!'

Teacher of the Year: "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

"That Melinda Alvarez thinks she's so smart! Well, I've been studying, and I'm gonna teach her a lesson on the test we have today!"

Science fair judge sees flower pot broken on floor near sign saying 'gravity'.

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

Oscars

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

"I want to thank all the little people."

"Great. I guess he'll win again."

Dolphin wins the swimming competition.