Award Ceremony Gifts

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

'Insurance Adjuster Rejector of the Year' 'Claims Delayed and Claims Paid Promptly'

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

Bronze medallist running late.

"I want to thank all the little people."

Dolphin wins the swimming competition.

Theodore Roosevelt wins the Nobel Peace Prize.

Win - win

"This one is a medal for participation."

Most useless Employee of the Month

"Why am I Sales Person of the Year? I already have a buyer for this tacky trophy!"

"...And the award for the best message in a bottle goes to..."

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

'I don't want to thank anybody, apart from myself for being such a massive talent who cheated and clawed my way to the top. Thank you but you took your time.'

"He had a few drinks while planning where to meet for a drink before the pre-award drinks"

Horse receiving award:'I'd like to thank the academy'

Teacher of the Year: "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Military officer being weighed down on one side by medals.

"I'm bound to win the award for "Most supportive of fellow industry members" unless some other !�%&*) gets there first

'Congratulations on winning the equal opportunities of the year award.'

'Presenting the award for the most improved horse of the year....'

'Thank you. Do you mind if I spray it about like they do on tv?'

Athletic Supporter of the Year

'Let me be the one to tell him he won the Relaxed Manager of the Year Award.'

'For your superb management of hell on earth."

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.