School Event Gifts

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

Pinata Pranks

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

For our eco-night entertainment we have Kim's "Dance Against Global Warming," Zahir's "Rap for the Eco Cure" and Twig's "Post-Carbon Poetry Slam." How about you, Jason? I'll explain metal organic vapor deposition in solar panels. Well! We'll see who's into heavy metal.

Our dance has to be sustainable. I'll send electronic invites. Eco Club. We can hang white LED Christmas lights. The food will be seasonal! Ice cream? W. Fester School.

Science fair judge sees flower pot broken on floor near sign saying 'gravity'.

'For God's sake, Billy, stop this...Your stupid dinosaur just isn't worth it!'

"Do you have anything that will get Magic Marker off a dry erase board?"

'He's very good in history. But he keeps insisting that the father of our country is Booker T. Washington.'

'Embarrassing parents' evening is next week.'

"Tia Carmen, can I have a few bucks for the vending machines?"

"And to conclude my report on Jupiter, I would just like to say we had lasagne at my house last night."

"Are there any questions about the Battle of Austerlitz?"

"Very effective talk on the power of non-verbal communication."

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

'Hi, Miss Henderson, we did collage in class today. Can you drive me home?'

Yearbook

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

'Smashing party, Miss - can we have another one tomorrow?'

I will not talk in art class. I will not talk in art class. I will not talk in art class. I will not in art class. I will not talk in art class.

"Pfff, eating homework is nothing! My mum eats the clothes off the clothes line..."

The best PE teacher in the World.

Paul goes home for the holidays

"Could you repeat that word?"

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

'Who I played in Summer Stock.'

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

"Graduation day at kite flying school."

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

'Look. Billy Curry did a nude!'

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

'It's exactly what I need to drive our only child to school at the end of the road.'

Patey's in a band! He's so cool!