School Event Gifts

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

Science fair judge sees flower pot broken on floor near sign saying 'gravity'.

'For God's sake, Billy, stop this...Your stupid dinosaur just isn't worth it!'

"Do you have anything that will get Magic Marker off a dry erase board?"

'He's very good in history. But he keeps insisting that the father of our country is Booker T. Washington.'

'Embarrassing parents' evening is next week.'

"Tia Carmen, can I have a few bucks for the vending machines?"

"And to conclude my report on Jupiter, I would just like to say we had lasagne at my house last night."

"Are there any questions about the Battle of Austerlitz?"

"Very effective talk on the power of non-verbal communication."

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

'Hi, Miss Henderson, we did collage in class today. Can you drive me home?'

Yearbook

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

'Smashing party, Miss - can we have another one tomorrow?'

"Pfff, eating homework is nothing! My mum eats the clothes off the clothes line..."

The best PE teacher in the World.

Paul goes home for the holidays

"Could you repeat that word?"

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

'Who I played in Summer Stock.'

"Graduation day at kite flying school."

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

'Look. Billy Curry did a nude!'

King of Music.

'It's exactly what I need to drive our only child to school at the end of the road.'

Patey's in a band! He's so cool!

The Best Art Teacher in the World.

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

"If I can't use a calculator, may I use my Dad's old slide-rule?"

"I think my mom made me a tofu sandwich."

"And today children, Homer is going to show us his 'pressed fly and bug collection'."