Child's School Event Gifts

"My child's school is having an auction, so can your entire life come to a halt?"

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

Yearbook

'Smashing party, Miss - can we have another one tomorrow?'

Paul goes home for the holidays

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

'...that 12th piece of fudge I ate must have been bad.'

King of Music.

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

'Oh, Christ.'

'...Just because you hired me doesn't mean I have to entertain.'

For our eco-night entertainment we have Kim's "Dance Against Global Warming," Zahir's "Rap for the Eco Cure" and Twig's "Post-Carbon Poetry Slam." How about you, Jason? I'll explain metal organic vapor deposition in solar panels. Well! We'll see who's into heavy metal.

'In a slight change to the programme, the second year jazz quartet aren't playing 'Hello Dolly'. They are however playing truant!'

Science fair judge sees flower pot broken on floor near sign saying 'gravity'.

"Yay! School is done!!"

Our eco-prom theme is "Jungle Paradise." Decorations will be live plants. I see where this is leading. Can you bring in trees and bushes for the night? Sure. But

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

"When do the kids go back to school?" "Oh, I don't know... 8 days, 16 hours and 47 minutes... or so."

Prom Theme: Coronavirus

"Give my kid a passing grade and you could be looking at many more nice apples."

'An egg and spoon race! That's horrible!'

Science Fair: 'We need a new rule - all projects MUST be in a container!'

Giant cat at school open night.

"Very effective talk on the power of non-verbal communication."

"At last...after so many missed days...so many cruel days apart...we are together once again!"

Bubblegum

What?! No way are we pushing for a green prom. Eco-club. Do we have to take the fun out of everything? People will totally embrace it if we frame it in the right way. Like? Saving energy by turning the lights down really low! Or using fewer chaperones. I can deal!

"There's always one kid that spoils the class picture."

'I don't think he'll be having a party next year - I heard his mother scream 'Never again'.'

Pinata Pranks

Boy unwell from eating cake decorations

Children lining up for face-in-a-hole school photograph.

"I'm trying to figure out the right headache-inducing place for my birthday."