Kids' Event Gifts

"There's no way in hell this is what it's all about."

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Tastes like cherry kool-aid, what's it do?'

'He made an excellent jelly.'

Yearbook

'Smashing party, Miss - can we have another one tomorrow?'

Green Balloon

Face painting by numbers.

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

Little doctor.

Paul goes home for the holidays

Children's Party

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

Circus Act

Baxter Higgleton, word balloon artist.

"Kid gloves, Hernandez. You gotta use kid gloves!"

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

"Mom, can you come get me?"

Girl on a giant pair of scissors.

'...that 12th piece of fudge I ate must have been bad.'

'Sorry I'm late - I was stacked up at the airport.'

"It turns out I just wasted the whole morning networking with a dog."

Bouncy Castle. Hey, you kids, get out of my house!

"Car accident? No, I volunteered to hold the rope for the pinata at my son's birthday party!"

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

King of Music.

'That's the last time I ask you to tie my shoe laces!'

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

'...Just because you hired me doesn't mean I have to entertain.'

To save some cash my parents held my 8th B'day party at Lenny's Tap + Grill....

For our eco-night entertainment we have Kim's "Dance Against Global Warming," Zahir's "Rap for the Eco Cure" and Twig's "Post-Carbon Poetry Slam." How about you, Jason? I'll explain metal organic vapor deposition in solar panels. Well! We'll see who's into heavy metal.

'God, quick! Give me the gift of the gab.'