Kids' Event Gifts

"There's no way in hell this is what it's all about."

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Tastes like cherry kool-aid, what's it do?'

'He made an excellent jelly.'

Yearbook

'Smashing party, Miss - can we have another one tomorrow?'

Face painting by numbers.

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

Green Balloon

Little doctor.

Paul goes home for the holidays

Children's Party

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

"Mom, can you come get me?"

Baxter Higgleton, word balloon artist.

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

"Kid gloves, Hernandez. You gotta use kid gloves!"

Circus Act

'...that 12th piece of fudge I ate must have been bad.'

Girl on a giant pair of scissors.

King of Music.

"Car accident? No, I volunteered to hold the rope for the pinata at my son's birthday party!"

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

"It turns out I just wasted the whole morning networking with a dog."

'Sorry I'm late - I was stacked up at the airport.'

'That's the last time I ask you to tie my shoe laces!'

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

'God, quick! Give me the gift of the gab.'

"Do that again, but cuter."

The Amazing Mr Sausage