Kids Party Gifts

"What's the point of being filled with gifts if they can only be beaten out of you?"

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

'No standing while room is in motion.'

'He made an excellent jelly.'

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

'Smashing party, Miss - can we have another one tomorrow?'

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

Shaken not stirred

Face painting by numbers.

Balancing two espresso martinis

"I am so attracted to you right now."

Beers

Green Balloon

Karataoke

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

Children's Party

Cut out and keep your own DJ.

Baxter Higgleton, word balloon artist.

"Come to our microbrew party Saturday. It's B.Y.O.B. — Bring Your Own Brewery."

"Kid gloves, Hernandez. You gotta use kid gloves!"

"Whine and cheezed party."

"Honey, I think that's too many bows."

"Mom, can you come get me?"

'We're the first film ever in HD 3-D DOUBLE D!'

Garbage Piñata

Why kangaroos hate birthday parties.

'...that 12th piece of fudge I ate must have been bad.'

Bouncy Castle. Hey, you kids, get out of my house!

Vegetarian Birthdays.

'Inside Ralph is a comedienne crying to get out.'

'Sorry I'm late - I was stacked up at the airport.'

"I write mostly confessional non-fiction."

"Car accident? No, I volunteered to hold the rope for the pinata at my son's birthday party!"