Kids Party T-Shirts

"What's the point of being filled with gifts if they can only be beaten out of you?"

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'No standing while room is in motion.'

'He made an excellent jelly.'

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

'Smashing party, Miss - can we have another one tomorrow?'

Balancing two espresso martinis

"I am so attracted to you right now."

Face painting by numbers.

Beers

Green Balloon

Shaken not stirred

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

Children's Party

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

Cut out and keep your own DJ.

"Kid gloves, Hernandez. You gotta use kid gloves!"

Baxter Higgleton, word balloon artist.

"Whine and cheezed party."

'We're the first film ever in HD 3-D DOUBLE D!'

"Mom, can you come get me?"

"Honey, I think that's too many bows."

"Come to our microbrew party Saturday. It's B.Y.O.B. — Bring Your Own Brewery."

Why kangaroos hate birthday parties.

'...that 12th piece of fudge I ate must have been bad.'

"Car accident? No, I volunteered to hold the rope for the pinata at my son's birthday party!"

'Inside Ralph is a comedienne crying to get out.'

"It turns out I just wasted the whole morning networking with a dog."

"I write mostly confessional non-fiction."

'Sorry I'm late - I was stacked up at the airport.'