Attending A Child's School Event Gifts

"Wasn't that your dad with the video camera, the tripod, the battery pack, the extension cord, the..."

Sloaney Pony.

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

Yearbook

'Smashing party, Miss - can we have another one tomorrow?'

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

Paul goes home for the holidays

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

King of Music.

'...Just because you hired me doesn't mean I have to entertain.'

'He hasn't missed a turnout in ten years!'

I am your BIGGEST fan!

'Oh, Christ.'

'In a slight change to the programme, the second year jazz quartet aren't playing 'Hello Dolly'. They are however playing truant!'

"You've got to blurb me to her."

Science fair judge sees flower pot broken on floor near sign saying 'gravity'.

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

"I didn't realise it was a formal do."

"When do the kids go back to school?" "Oh, I don't know... 8 days, 16 hours and 47 minutes... or so."

'I will be a chaperone at the senior prom. I need a prom dress but I don't want to be mistaken for a student.'

Prom Theme: Coronavirus

"You don't find a style. A style finds you."

"Very effective talk on the power of non-verbal communication."

"Any apologies for absence?"

"At last...after so many missed days...so many cruel days apart...we are together once again!"

Giant cat at school open night.

"There's always one kid that spoils the class picture."

'An egg and spoon race! That's horrible!'

Science Fair: 'We need a new rule - all projects MUST be in a container!'