School Annual Events Gifts

'Oh, Christ.'

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

Yearbook

'Hi, Miss Henderson, we did collage in class today. Can you drive me home?'

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

'Smashing party, Miss - can we have another one tomorrow?'

"Pfff, eating homework is nothing! My mum eats the clothes off the clothes line..."

I will not talk in art class. I will not talk in art class. I will not talk in art class. I will not in art class. I will not talk in art class.

The best PE teacher in the World.

'Who I played in Summer Stock.'

Paul goes home for the holidays

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

"Could you repeat that word?"

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

"Graduation day at kite flying school."

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

'Look. Billy Curry did a nude!'

The Best Art Teacher in the World.

"If I can't use a calculator, may I use my Dad's old slide-rule?"

"I think my mom made me a tofu sandwich."

King of Music.

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

'It's exactly what I need to drive our only child to school at the end of the road.'

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

Patey's in a band! He's so cool!

"And today children, Homer is going to show us his 'pressed fly and bug collection'."

For our eco-night entertainment we have Kim's "Dance Against Global Warming," Zahir's "Rap for the Eco Cure" and Twig's "Post-Carbon Poetry Slam." How about you, Jason? I'll explain metal organic vapor deposition in solar panels. Well! We'll see who's into heavy metal.

I'd like to donate to your theater, but

Anton's Bar and Grill

Boy squashed under lawn roller.

'In a slight change to the programme, the second year jazz quartet aren't playing 'Hello Dolly'. They are however playing truant!'

'My Dad won't let me tell what I did on my summer vacation...he doesn't want anyone to know where he set up his offshore bank accounts.'