Aviation Traveler Gifts

Airport security - 'Ah ha! Tree hugger!'

"The GPS works great, we have satellite TV installed, the Sirius stereo sounds fantastic and our every move is tracked by Qualcomm. But could you turn around? I left me iphone at the house. . ."

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

Flight attendant piloting Santa's sleigh.

'Next year I'm hiring a tank!'

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

Largest passenger aircraft ever built. "Why does it have to be so big?" "We had to make extra room for all the subsidy money."

Vaccination Passport

Heroic Rescue from a Falling Tower

Remember, it's about the journey, not the destination. But sure, I'll keep an eye out for a rest area.

"Look on the GPS to see if there's any wormholes through time and space."

'Hmmph. Here's an ad for affordable housing five minutes from downtown. By what means? Learjet?'

Billy strip: comic will make you sick.

'Calm down...it's probably just another mirage.'

'Can I ask you what you've had to eat this morning, Sir? . . .Have you evacuated your bowels since then? . . . I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for the additional weight.'

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

'It's a great job, but the commuting is murder!'

"During our vacation my wife and I went to Paris while our suitcases went to Rome and Athens."

'I am on a diet! It's called the Wall Street diet. I invested in British Airways, and the first day I lost 500 pounds.'

'Please all just sit down and fasten your seat belts!!'

Welcome to business class. Are you a member of big business or small business?

"Today's flight is overbooked. Is there someone who would accept a free travel voucher in return for teaching us how to correctly book a flight?"

'Here's another chance to practice our landings.'

'Anything to declare?'

"They become aggressive when you recline them."

Woman goes to Origami Airport.

Who's the kid with the predator drone?

Miniature Trailer on Desert Island

Mechanics, their forks ready, prepare to deice the chocolate off a plane.