Air Travel Enthusiast Gifts

'I'm sorry, we don't have chicken or fish. However, we do have a choice of surcharges. Would you prefer fuel, technology upgrade or new labor deal?'

"Can my oxygen mask drop down now?"

'I'd like a first class ticket to wherever my luggage went.'

Flying 'business class'.

"So, when we stopped serving meals, I thought, why not see this as a marketing opportunity?"

'The good news is the airline was trying to skimp on fuel, and no terrorists were involved.'t

'Diet...Coke!'

'Your plane's been delayed 20 minutes...or however long it takes airplane glue to dry.'

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

DeparturesStandbyAbandon all hope.

'This is Captain Girard...if anyone back there wants to get a hold of me, I'll be on Facebook...'

"We taxied all the way here. I need $340.00."

"Nice try, but your friend can't fly as carry-on luggage."

"Is the flight completely full, extremely full, or very full."

"They become aggressive when you recline them."

Air hostess wearing bullet proof vest saying, '...and you pull your life jacket on over your head like this'

Asian Adventure Vacations

"Just a reminder, we're only boarding our elite, premium passengers at this time..."

"Why is 'common sense' so uncommon?"

'Luggage is luggage, sir -- just try to be happy with what you've got.'

'Everyone remain buckled in until we hit the water!'

"We strongly advise you to stay away from 4th and 5th class..."

'Can I ask you what you've had to eat this morning, Sir? . . .Have you evacuated your bowels since then? . . . I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for the additional weight.'

"What abouts...the ones who are allergic to all these service animals?"

Pinocchio goes on holiday.

Man comes through luggage collection conveyor belt at the airport.

"I was on a flight to heaven but I got bumped."

"The bad news is we're delayed five hours and you're all going to miss your connections. The good news is I'm timed out, so I'm going home."

"Sire, have you been drunk-twittering again?"

Disabled Parking for Planes

Asleep on an airplane

And, of course, I'm sitting next to a Hindu goddess with ten arms.

"Yeah, they're doing more maintenance, so my flight's delayed again."

"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."