Air Travel Lover Gifts

'Termites!'

'Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be coming through with a beverage service, but only about ten feet worth, unless someone has an extension cord.'

"Free safety demonstration on board the flight?"

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

"Passengers, as we begin our descent, you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."

'Can I ask you what you've had to eat this morning, Sir? . . .Have you evacuated your bowels since then? . . . I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for the additional weight.'

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'

'Hmmph. Here's an ad for affordable housing five minutes from downtown. By what means? Learjet?'

Mass Travel

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

"They become aggressive when you recline them."

Welcome to business class. Are you a member of big business or small business?

"This is your captain speaking."

"Next time, I'm flying business class."

Going to Work. . .Coming Home

'Yes, I know. But my boarding pass clearly says 'B4'!'

Mechanics, their forks ready, prepare to deice the chocolate off a plane.

Woman goes to Origami Airport.

'Wayne, your turn - Darren needs changing!'

Flight Crew Lockdown Check List

'I'd like a first class ticket to wherever my luggage went.'

"So, when we stopped serving meals, I thought, why not see this as a marketing opportunity?"

"And that one shows my frequent flier miles."

"If 'Slothra' takes any longer climbing to the top I'll have to land and refuel again."

"You have luggage? - Oh, we don't do LUGGAGE any more."

"That's why you're so familiar, we flew together yesterday!"

'There's a fee for each carry-on bag, including your bag of chips.'

Man comes through luggage collection conveyor belt at the airport.

"I never watch the safety demo. If we crash, they'll just save me."

"Excuse me, Captain, but one of the passengers would like to know if you could land in a field so they can make a quick phone call."

"I can't believe they put us in dog class!"

'An do you, Sharon, promise to share part of your airliner seat with Don?'

'Quick! Page the flight deck, bring me oxygen, gloves, a mask and someone junior!'