Airplane Travel Gifts

"During our vacation my wife and I went to Paris while our suitcases went to Rome and Athens."

'We found your luggage! It went to Buffalo!'

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

Fight or Flight

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'Thank you for flying Canine Airlines. You can now sit on the furniture.'

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

Flight attendant piloting Santa's sleigh.

Airplane Mode.

"Passengers, as we begin our descent, you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

I travelled to get away from it all. All I got away from was my luggage.

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

Einstein discovers that time can stop completely.

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'

Excess Baggage: Why can't airports provide a decent place for paying customers to catch forty winks?

Two airplanes

Why Superman flies himself

'Can I ask you what you've had to eat this morning, Sir? . . .Have you evacuated your bowels since then? . . . I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for the additional weight.'

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

'Hmmph. Here's an ad for affordable housing five minutes from downtown. By what means? Learjet?'

"I try to drink a lot of water, stay up and get right on L.A. time, and never eat the airline food."

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"We are now in 'The Galley,' where flight attendants scavenge for food, hoard magazines, hide from passengers and over share details of their personal lives."

"Look, honey. Tiny bales of hay."

"We are now boarding priority travellers. Please be ready to present an air of entitlement."

'I am on a diet! It's called the Wall Street diet. I invested in British Airways, and the first day I lost 500 pounds.'

Man with backpack discharged on luggage pick up.

"... And in the event of a sudden change in cabin pressure, please tweet with the hashtag #FeelinTheBreeze."

Witch takes off on a runway surrounded by planes.

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

'Two for French Polynesia.'