Atheist Speaker Gifts

'Yeah, I'm an atheist - and a damn good one.'

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

"I think you refuse to admit your god condones slavery, because doing so would be an admission you are more moral than he is. And that conflicts with your Borg programming."

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"I may have wasted my life, but at least I don't look stupid."

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

"I was explaining the zero aggression principle, and all of a sudden, POW!!"

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

"He's a middle-aged white man. What other reason do you need?"

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

"I think you made your mistake right at the beginning!"

A man holding a pro-life sign stands above a group of beaten people who are pro choice.

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

"I stand corrected..."

'If we have everlasting life, what about entropy?'

'What did you say? 'The light is nothing but an ordinary streetlamp'? Oh no! My own son is an atheist??!'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

Socialism and Capitalism Traps

Vote. I can't keep up with politics anymore --- That guy said he's a "big government anarchist"!