Astronomy Gifts

'Don't blame me for the smell -- I suggested silicon-based life forms.'

"My question is: Are we making an impact?"

"Crust" "Mantle" "Creamy nougat center"

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

'Location, location, location! If we had law offices on Mars, we would have twice as many billable hours a day.'

The Universe Before the Big Bang (Actual Size).

"Look, a shooting star- let's critique it!"

Conference on the Control of Time and Space. Left to Right: Isaac Newton, Aristotle, HG Wells, Ptolemy,Isaac Asimov, Albert Einstein, Galileo, Copernicus.

Almost Everything Bagel

"This plaque shows nine planets, but their transmissions say their system has eight."

Micro and Macro Department,

"If you look carefully you'll see that all claims are invalid except on alternate Tuesdays in June and when Venus is in alignment with Mars."

'Well, there's something you don't see every day'

Galileo describes his discoveries to the church (and gets hit over the head by the bishop/pope with the telescope that he made the discoveries with).

'So, no matter how bad things may look, you just have to say to yourself, 'Hey, it's not the end of the world!''

How life on Earth really got its start.

Skimming out star reflections

Man looking down telescope into mirror.

God's map of the universe

The solar system is replaced by sports balls.

Entropy Seminar.

'I wish that just once the contract would go to someone besides the lowest bidder.'

"I have the whole universe to look after, so I'm putting you in charge of this planet."

'No, Brian, an asteroid impact would never take us by surprise like it did the dinosaurs because we're highly intelligent and they were very stupid and dull-witted.'

"Burnout"

'Are you trying to give me a heart attack??!!'

"Another Starbucks on Venus."

'Someday, Mr. Nicky Copernicus, SOMEDAY you'll learn that the world doesn't revolve around YOU!'

'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?' - repetitive questioning associated with travel

Embarrassing moments in asteroid tracking.

In the middle ages: 'I believe earth is the center of the universe.'...Today:' I Know I'm the center of the universe.'

'Remember - when Daylight Saving Time ends, we have to give everything a slight turn to the left.'

'Johannes Kepler's uphill batle'

'The Big Bang theory of creation.'

'I'll be working on the largest and smallest objects in the universe - superclusters and netrinos. I'd like you to handle everything in between.'