Astronomy Pillows

'Don't blame me for the smell -- I suggested silicon-based life forms.'

"My question is: Are we making an impact?"

"Crust" "Mantle" "Creamy nougat center"

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

'Location, location, location! If we had law offices on Mars, we would have twice as many billable hours a day.'

The Universe Before the Big Bang (Actual Size).

"Look, a shooting star- let's critique it!"

"This plaque shows nine planets, but their transmissions say their system has eight."

Almost Everything Bagel

"If you look carefully you'll see that all claims are invalid except on alternate Tuesdays in June and when Venus is in alignment with Mars."

Micro and Macro Department,

'Well, there's something you don't see every day'

Galileo describes his discoveries to the church (and gets hit over the head by the bishop/pope with the telescope that he made the discoveries with).

'So, no matter how bad things may look, you just have to say to yourself, 'Hey, it's not the end of the world!''

How life on Earth really got its start.

Skimming out star reflections

Man looking down telescope into mirror.

God's map of the universe

'I wish that just once the contract would go to someone besides the lowest bidder.'

Entropy Seminar.

The solar system is replaced by sports balls.

"I have the whole universe to look after, so I'm putting you in charge of this planet."

"Burnout"

"Another Starbucks on Venus."

'Are you trying to give me a heart attack??!!'

'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?' - repetitive questioning associated with travel

Embarrassing moments in asteroid tracking.

In the middle ages: 'I believe earth is the center of the universe.'...Today:' I Know I'm the center of the universe.'

'The Big Bang theory of creation.'

'Remember - when Daylight Saving Time ends, we have to give everything a slight turn to the left.'

'Someday, Mr. Nicky Copernicus, SOMEDAY you'll learn that the world doesn't revolve around YOU!'

'Johannes Kepler's uphill batle'

"Did you hear about Blumenkraft? He had so much junk on his desk, it collapsed into a black hole"

"Be realistic, how can lumps of rock zooming around in space affect our lives down here?"

'But Father, I don't want to study space time temporal theories in relation to collapsing pulsars, I want to do my own thing!'