Aspiring Masterchef T-Shirts

'Would you believe it the E.U. have put a cap on the numbers of celebrity chefs we can have!'

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

'Maybe we shouldn't show how sausage and foie gras are made on the same day.'

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

Boy baking a cake.

'Step 5. Call the Fire Department.'

"I want you to be well in life, son...."

French bread

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

'Just call me Delia...'

'Trying to eat her dinners is the only exercise I get.'

'I could beat these eggs a lot easier if it weren't for all the shells.'

Beth realized she wasn't such a great cook the night she tried to make an apple pie. 'Wow! Now that is good meatloaf!'

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom or night will stop Ed from overcooking the fish."

"I can't wait to go home and replace all your sports channels with cooking channels."

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

'Son, do you think I'm ready for my own cooking show?'

Having a varied diet doesn't just mean all 12 varieties of 'kwiknoodles'.

"I'm the CEO of a giant telecommunications firm - but that's just to put food on the table. My real ambition is to be a waiter."

"You don't have any cooking experience? We should be able to get you a job at a hospital cafeteria."

Jo Jo Was Anything But a Quitter.

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

"No, dear. This meal isn't undercooked, you just haven't burnt it, for a change."

"We try to give him a realistic outlook on life."

'Trust me, kids. Everything tastes better at the ballpark.'

'Is this fish fresh? Don't ask me, I've only been here two weeks.'

"I want to be a stand up comic, but life's not crap enough."

'Hi, I saw your ad and I'm interested in the entree-level position!'