Aspiring Masterchef Gifts

'Would you believe it the E.U. have put a cap on the numbers of celebrity chefs we can have!'

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

'Maybe we shouldn't show how sausage and foie gras are made on the same day.'

Boy baking a cake.

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

'Step 5. Call the Fire Department.'

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

"I want you to be well in life, son...."

French bread

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

'Trying to eat her dinners is the only exercise I get.'

'I could beat these eggs a lot easier if it weren't for all the shells.'

'Just call me Delia...'

Beth realized she wasn't such a great cook the night she tried to make an apple pie. 'Wow! Now that is good meatloaf!'

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom or night will stop Ed from overcooking the fish."

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

"I can't wait to go home and replace all your sports channels with cooking channels."

Having a varied diet doesn't just mean all 12 varieties of 'kwiknoodles'.

"I'm the CEO of a giant telecommunications firm - but that's just to put food on the table. My real ambition is to be a waiter."

"So that's a three bird roast."

"I want to be a stand up comic, but life's not crap enough."

"You don't have any cooking experience? We should be able to get you a job at a hospital cafeteria."

"No, dear. This meal isn't undercooked, you just haven't burnt it, for a change."

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

Jo Jo Was Anything But a Quitter.

'Amazing - No sooner do we invent cooking than we get the first celebrity chef.'

'Trust me, kids. Everything tastes better at the ballpark.'

'Son, do you think I'm ready for my own cooking show?'

"We try to give him a realistic outlook on life."