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"I'll be the best side dish ever."

French bread

'Another neat trick is to cut regular spaghetti into little pieces, and next thing you know you've got yourself a bowl of spaghetti-i-s.'

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

'Maybe we shouldn't show how sausage and foie gras are made on the same day.'

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

Boy baking a cake.

'Step 5. Call the Fire Department.'

Instead of a cap and gown Mike got a hairnet and spatula.

'I thought too many cooks spoiled the broth.'

"I want you to be well in life, son...."

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

"I'm making Thanksgiving dinner this year. Do you have Turkey Helper?"

'Just call me Delia...'

'I could beat these eggs a lot easier if it weren't for all the shells.'

'We were playing Doctor and I was sterilizing the gloves.'

Beth realized she wasn't such a great cook the night she tried to make an apple pie. 'Wow! Now that is good meatloaf!'

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom or night will stop Ed from overcooking the fish."

"I can't wait to go home and replace all your sports channels with cooking channels."

"Remember, never put all your eggs into one omelet."

'Son, do you think I'm ready for my own cooking show?'

Jo Jo Was Anything But a Quitter.

"We try to give him a realistic outlook on life."

'Hi, I saw your ad and I'm interested in the entree-level position!'

'No need for the Fancy Dress - you've only boiled me an egg.'

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

"No, dear. This meal isn't undercooked, you just haven't burnt it, for a change."

'Would you believe it the E.U. have put a cap on the numbers of celebrity chefs we can have!'

"You don't have any cooking experience? We should be able to get you a job at a hospital cafeteria."

'Trust me, kids. Everything tastes better at the ballpark.'