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"I'll be the best side dish ever."

French bread

'Another neat trick is to cut regular spaghetti into little pieces, and next thing you know you've got yourself a bowl of spaghetti-i-s.'

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

'Maybe we shouldn't show how sausage and foie gras are made on the same day.'

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

Boy baking a cake.

'Step 5. Call the Fire Department.'

"I want you to be well in life, son...."

'I thought too many cooks spoiled the broth.'

Instead of a cap and gown Mike got a hairnet and spatula.

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

'Just call me Delia...'

"I'm making Thanksgiving dinner this year. Do you have Turkey Helper?"

'I could beat these eggs a lot easier if it weren't for all the shells.'

'We were playing Doctor and I was sterilizing the gloves.'

Beth realized she wasn't such a great cook the night she tried to make an apple pie. 'Wow! Now that is good meatloaf!'

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom or night will stop Ed from overcooking the fish."

"I can't wait to go home and replace all your sports channels with cooking channels."

Jo Jo Was Anything But a Quitter.

'Amazing - No sooner do we invent cooking than we get the first celebrity chef.'

'Is this fish fresh? Don't ask me, I've only been here two weeks.'

'No need for the Fancy Dress - you've only boiled me an egg.'

"You don't have any cooking experience? We should be able to get you a job at a hospital cafeteria."

'Trust me, kids. Everything tastes better at the ballpark.'

"Remember, never put all your eggs into one omelet."

"No, dear. This meal isn't undercooked, you just haven't burnt it, for a change."

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

'Would you believe it the E.U. have put a cap on the numbers of celebrity chefs we can have!'

'Son, do you think I'm ready for my own cooking show?'