Arson Humorists Gifts

Oh, sure, blame the match, it's always blame the match - Does it look like this was my idea?

Global Warmer 2000.

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

'And don't be afraid to ask for directions.'

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

Worries of the first single cell organism. Should I divide? Maybe I won't like my other self! Maybe it won't like me! Two might be nice company. Three, though, that could be crowded.

'Flowers? From a garage? You're a darling!'

"Find out who's got the licensing rights for this Armageddon thing and get them on the phone - quickly."

The brief collaboration between Alfred Nobel and Thomas Edison.

Another thing is that it's really cool in the summer!

A Not So Grand Slam.

'That's Hindenburg for you. Just can't express his anger in a positive way.'

Gas Price Reads: Way Too Much.

"It's the worst summer I've ever known."

"Since I heard there was a monster I can't sleep at night!"

"These desert mirages are virtually like being at the beach."

'Hello, Mum!'

"It was the hottest earth day since records began."

Safe harbour

Cotton candy

Freak Accident Specialist

Penguins going for flying lessons

Nation of Has-Beens (and Never-Will-Bes)

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

"Yes you successfully removed the trip hazard, but with hindsight..."

'Number of days since last accident' a man is falling off of ladder while trying to post numbers...

SPF-30 Sunscreen Lotion

Hot dogs served here. (Sweaty dog placing an order).

"Well done!"

Pre-minstrel Tension.

Pyromania Therapy Clinic has a 'singe in' sheet.

If Noah Had Been a Member of FEMA.

"If anything happens, Janice, I love you."

Toilet Roll Drop

Melted ice cream van