Carbon Comedian Gifts

A new study finds that carbon offsets do not actually help decrease greenhouse gas emissions.

'What can I do to create a climate where things get done?'

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

"At least, everybody's agreed about the next summit's name!"

The new green legislature requires methane mitigation.

"That explains all the cavities."

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

Ecotourism.

Where's my global warming?

"So I misplaced a couple hundred Bitcoin. Maybe the dog ate the wallet. I din't know. S**t happens!"

' I think I'm evolving due to global warming.'

"Mum? are you sure thers's such thing as global warming, coz I'm bloody freezing."

"Brilliant! And then all they have to do is stop them flying at night."

'Who turned up the thermostat?'

'So there's global warming. What possible harm could it do?'

'I'd say that our transport policy couldn't get any greener'

'The mountains were too cold for me you see, so I thought: People lost in the desert could need my skills too...'

Interpretive Dental Hygiene

"Venice! What will climate change think of next?"

Paper Bath Towels.

Will work for manure.

US Winter Weather Map.

"Hide? What do you mean hide? We are literally camouflage and they still eat us!"

Welcome to the North Pole

"Houston....I've found the 'Plank Constant'."

"How much energy did you use to create me? I wasn't awakened with nuclear power, was I?..."

'It's a very common plant on earth.'

'We've only cut our CO2 emissions to piss off the utilities companies.'

"I don't care how much I own – there's still something unsatisfying about digital Girl Scout Thin Mints."