Chemical Comedian Gifts

Man farting CH4 in a chemical laboratory

CARBON DATING: 'Now let me see, we can do a one night stand with 2 oxygens, a long weekend with 4 hydrogens or a same sex carbon orgy.'

How scientists classify the Elements vs how students classify the Elements.

Albert Einstein

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

'In the alternate universe I've come up with, everything would be exactly the same except cats would bark.'

'Catch this!'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

'It's a government funded study to find out how many wrongs make a right.'

'Some hackers have broken into the system. It goes in as molten steel, and it comes out as chicken gumbo soup.'

Working On Silly String Theory.

Planetary Science. What do we call the study of gas giants in space? Gastronomy.

Molecules you ought to be aware of...

"He's our back-up if our computers fail."

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

How DNA molecules combine.

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

Jim's Smart Kettle

'The stand-up geneticist'

'I want to biopsy that growth, Mr. Johnson. I don't like the looks of it.'

'Granted we have to do the research. And we can do some research on the research. but I don't think we should get involved in research on research on research.'

Psychic TV Guru & Cellular Phone Commercial Spin.

'My new browser is so fast I have to take motion sickness pills.'

"Some consider me the Pollock of calculus."

"Hold on, one more thing to go."

Molecules You Ought To Be Aware of...

Hexagon.

"...then - and here's the funny part - I add the potassium sulfate..."

"Houston....I've found the 'Plank Constant'."

Leon the electron was not sure just to where he'd been blasted when the photon struck, but indicators suggested he was now in one of the atom's degenerate orbitals.

A ship sails on water flowing off a flat Earth.

'We're de-salting water?'