Atomic Humorist Gifts

"I hate being around electrons. They're so negative."

Leon the electron was not sure just to where he'd been blasted when the photon struck, but indicators suggested he was now in one of the atom's degenerate orbitals.

Man sees a sign on the door of a nuclear power plant: Gone Fission.

Nuke mouse.

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

God Sneezes Out Creation

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"The Eggsorcist"

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

Clown God

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

She loves to play with string theory.

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

When bacteria trash talk to antibodies. Oh yeah?! You and what course of antibiotics?!

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

PET THEORIES

"See? A huge surge in all the major crowdfunding sites right before the Big Bang!"

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."

"I'm so sorry I let you talk me into letting you take your pet along on this trip!"

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

"Pssst! - Gerald, you've mutated again. . ."

Cell Bar & Grill. Happy Hour All Day. The new owner is an endorphin.

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

How Glaciations Begin