Atomic Humor Fan Gifts

Subatomic Particle Super-Collider Humor. You'll never guess who I ran into yesterday! (Published originally on May 18, 2009.)

Skipping Horse

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

The Brothers Grime

10 K Tail-Chase

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

The Snooze Bar.

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

Dog in casino.

Beer Parasol.

Winter Weather.

To encourage patients to take their medication, Dr. Gratner brought in a sketch artist to show them what they will look like in six months without meds.

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

It is said there is a black hole in the middle of the galaxy. But heaven knows what it looks like!

tRUMp, Pirate President

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

No, I don

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

May all your birthday wishes come true..