Atomic Humorist Pillows

"I hate being around electrons. They're so negative."

Leon the electron was not sure just to where he'd been blasted when the photon struck, but indicators suggested he was now in one of the atom's degenerate orbitals.

Man sees a sign on the door of a nuclear power plant: Gone Fission.

Nuke mouse.

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

God Sneezes Out Creation

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

Clown God

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

"The Eggsorcist"

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

She loves to play with string theory.

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

PET THEORIES

"See? A huge surge in all the major crowdfunding sites right before the Big Bang!"

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

"Pssst! - Gerald, you've mutated again. . ."

The opera - 'Please, sir, give us your ticket, if you ain;t a-goin' in again.'

How Glaciations Begin

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

"I'm so sorry I let you talk me into letting you take your pet along on this trip!"

'Hey, that one looks just like a visible mass of condensed water vapour floating in the atmosphere.'

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."

"And what qualifications do you bring to the table beyond being first in line?"