Quantum Humorist Pillows

Quantum Mechanics.

Quantum Breakup

Schrodinger's cat-box

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"You're going to hate yourself."

'Teenagers!'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

God Sneezes Out Creation

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Glance Exchange

"I said slime."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"OMG, LOL!"

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

Clown God