Quantum Humorist Pillows

Quantum Mechanics.

Quantum Breakup

Schrodinger's cat-box

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"You're going to hate yourself."

The Solar System (after deregulation)

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

God Sneezes Out Creation

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

Glance Exchange

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"OMG, LOL!"

Clown God

"I said slime."

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'