Cosmic Humorists Pillows

Map of Solar System from Memory.

"It's nothing personal—the way things are going, we just don't need as many abductees."

Thus saith the Lord to Earth: 'Thou art cancelled!'

METHANE BAR

'He's a nice guy, but those tectonic plates of his really weird me out.'

'Maybe I give off a little ammonia, but at least I don't smell like people!'

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"Houston, we have a problem."

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

God Sneezes Out Creation

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"Remember when we used to wonder if there other beings somewhere out there?"

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

'You caught it, you gut it!'

"Stupid map ... that dot must cover 10,000 cubic light years."

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

Clown God

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"I've heard that seeing the earth from outer space can really change your perspective. I couldn't agree more."

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

'Gravity...Go figure!'

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

Water is discovered on the moon....