Cosmic Comedian Pillows

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

"Maybe if I unplug it and plug it in again, it'll fix the mess."

'The Big Bang theory of creation.'

Testing the Big Bangs theory.

'An asteroid is due to strike in one hour? See if you can get an injunction.'

'Once they stop believing that it's flat, I'll make it round.'

'Where did you say your foreign exchange student was from?'

"It's photo of a black hole."

'It's a comet . . . It's a big rock on your head.'

'Have you tried switching it off and on?'

"My client pleads not guilty on the grounds that Saturn was transiting his natal Pluto at the time of the incident."

'Which one's Ringo?'

"I thought the cake came out awfully dense."

Grok's Black Hole Theory

"We're Quietly Confident That It Smells Of Cinnamon"

"There it is! There's the evidence Mars once had a lake!"

'Mars is known as the 'red planet'? Does it have debt problem like ours?'

'let's work with what we've got -- take a few of the more promising apes, and add some extra memory.'

'I'll have to put you on a waiting list - The birth rate is way down.'

The Older Testament: An Origin Story

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"I can't deal with any famines, massacres or epidemics right now - I've got to help some guy sink a foul shot."

"You da man!"

"Surprisingly, the soil samples provide new evidence for the 'giant ball of cheese' hypothesis."

"When you have all the answers, what's left?"

'Sorry about the smell -- I just had a mass extinction.'

"Damnedest eclipse I'VE ever seen."

'The fact that you like Tang really doesn't qualify you to be an astronaut.'

Black Hole Research Institute has no outbox.

BIG BANG COMIX

"No you can't borrow my eclipse glasses. I told you not to eat yours."

A word from James Cameron. . .

"Take me to your thigh master"

"Black holes, quasars, galactic storms, and now those damn space signals from Earth."