Cosmic Comedian T-Shirts

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

"Maybe if I unplug it and plug it in again, it'll fix the mess."

'The Big Bang theory of creation.'

Testing the Big Bangs theory.

'Where did you say your foreign exchange student was from?'

'Once they stop believing that it's flat, I'll make it round.'

'An asteroid is due to strike in one hour? See if you can get an injunction.'

"We're Quietly Confident That It Smells Of Cinnamon"

"My client pleads not guilty on the grounds that Saturn was transiting his natal Pluto at the time of the incident."

"I thought the cake came out awfully dense."

"It's photo of a black hole."

"There it is! There's the evidence Mars once had a lake!"

'Have you tried switching it off and on?'

Grok's Black Hole Theory

"I can't deal with any famines, massacres or epidemics right now - I've got to help some guy sink a foul shot."

Black Hole Research Institute has no outbox.

BIG BANG COMIX

"You da man!"

'I'll have to put you on a waiting list - The birth rate is way down.'

'Sorry about the smell -- I just had a mass extinction.'

"No you can't borrow my eclipse glasses. I told you not to eat yours."

'Mars is known as the 'red planet'? Does it have debt problem like ours?'

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"Surprisingly, the soil samples provide new evidence for the 'giant ball of cheese' hypothesis."

"Damnedest eclipse I'VE ever seen."

'let's work with what we've got -- take a few of the more promising apes, and add some extra memory.'

The Older Testament: An Origin Story

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

Mars Rover's wheels stolen.

U.S. Astronauts Reunion - 'Looks as if we're the first ones here.'

"Let this guy go around."

'You're two hours late AGAIN? How many times do I have to tell you? - It's 'spring forward, fall back'!'

"Black holes, quasars, galactic storms, and now those damn space signals from Earth."

'Don't sweat it pal - you can always appeal. I'm a lawyer. I'd be happy to take on your case- pro bono, of course.'