Chemical Comedy Crew Gifts

When Chemists take acid trips.

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

Working On Silly String Theory.

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

How DNA molecules combine.

"I know it's a pie in the sky, Henshaw, but from a career perspective point of view we'll log it in as 'unidentified small aircraft'."

'Mmmm. How do you get the custard so creamy? You must give me the recipie!'

You put sparkling water in the WHAT?

When Pyromaniacs Buy A Home: 'This is a great starter home.'

How scientists classify the Elements vs how students classify the Elements.

Spawn of Satan on board.

'The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your actions.'

Desert Island Zoom Support Group.

'Sorry about the screaming during that air pocket, back there.'

'Sorry Professor, you're right: I DID skip a line of the instructions...'

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

"We should settle this in the kitchen."

If you're really listening to the control tower, why are you playing air drums?

'We don't have energy-efficient appliances but the food in the 'fridge has gone green.'

'What'd I miss?'

"As you'd expect, the control panel of a modern passenger jet is very complex."

Janitor on the Job Training.

Wait a second - doesn't he work for the company next door?

"Will these hooves ever dry?"

ALLIED CHEMICAL PRODUCTS, INC., 'I'd like to transfer out of Research & Development for awhile.'

'This is the pilot. If you look to the left you'll see London, look to the right France - inside the cockpit the co-pilot's underpants.'

'This isn't the kind of sales job I was hoping for.'

"Bigelow, let's try and set this thing down just once without saying 'Oopsy-daisy.' "

"Please pay attention as the stewardess demonstrates our new procedure for drunken passengers"

CARBON DATING: 'Now let me see, we can do a one night stand with 2 oxygens, a long weekend with 4 hydrogens or a same sex carbon orgy.'

The Philatelist's Friend

Fe is the chemical symbol for iron, atomic number 26. Sometimes the periodic table of elements seems like high school, full of cliques and gossip. Hydrogen and oxygen atoms spend lots of time hanging out together while elements like Argon and Radon are loners, never bonding with others. Gold, Au, and Silver, Ag, are the rich elements, but I honestly think iron the the most popular. I can't believe iron thinks "rusty" is a term of affection!