Chemical Comedy Crew Pillows

When Chemists take acid trips.

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

"I know it's a pie in the sky, Henshaw, but from a career perspective point of view we'll log it in as 'unidentified small aircraft'."

'Mmmm. How do you get the custard so creamy? You must give me the recipie!'

How scientists classify the Elements vs how students classify the Elements.

'The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your actions.'

'Sorry about the screaming during that air pocket, back there.'

'Sorry Professor, you're right: I DID skip a line of the instructions...'

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

"We should settle this in the kitchen."

'We don't have energy-efficient appliances but the food in the 'fridge has gone green.'

'What'd I miss?'

"As you'd expect, the control panel of a modern passenger jet is very complex."

Janitor on the Job Training.

"Will these hooves ever dry?"

Wait a second - doesn't he work for the company next door?

ALLIED CHEMICAL PRODUCTS, INC., 'I'd like to transfer out of Research & Development for awhile.'

'This is the pilot. If you look to the left you'll see London, look to the right France - inside the cockpit the co-pilot's underpants.'

'This isn't the kind of sales job I was hoping for.'

"Bigelow, let's try and set this thing down just once without saying 'Oopsy-daisy.' "

"Please pay attention as the stewardess demonstrates our new procedure for drunken passengers"

CARBON DATING: 'Now let me see, we can do a one night stand with 2 oxygens, a long weekend with 4 hydrogens or a same sex carbon orgy.'

The Philatelist's Friend

"Confound it - somebody put a tuna fish in our mercury."